Moving has become a much more trying experience than I thought it was going to be. I was spoiled with great friends in Toledo, we hung out every day this summer until all hours of the morning. When I moved I knew it wasn't going to be easy finding new friends, or meeting new people..but I thought it was going to be easier than this. I'm usually a pretty outgoing person, and I warm up to the people I meet very quickly- but here that has not been the case. I've met a few people, but it's been very very difficult. I cannot drive, so i do not have a job and I'm just left at my house during the day while my dog is at work- i have my loyal(ish) dog Chase to keep me some company..it's very lonely, and it's hard.
Other than that, I usually just sit at home trying to think of things to do, be content with myself, and try to not go stir crazy. What gets me so upset is that I know life is precious and short. I want to enjoy every moment, not be bored with life, and if I am bored- change that. Learn something new, try something new- etc. I've done about everything now. One thing that's really kept me going is reading the bible, and rereading prayer journals and journals I've kind of kept up with through the years. After I have a little session with God, I am inspired, full of his Joy, Happy because I know the life I want to live, and I'm ready to live it!!
Then I all of the sudden get more emotional and begin to grow sad and depressed about missing my friends and just feeling completely alone. I try looking up and reminding myself about the things God had just shown me, but I can't seem to turn it around. And I know I can talk to people about this but I choose not to because it's happening so often, and I know they will really only be able to say the same things that they did to me beforehand. This upcoming semester i'm supposed to be working, but since I don't have a license at the moment, I have to wait and stay at the house. I've decided to really use this time to work on myself, my relationship with God, and it's already become a huge challenge.
It's looking like I'll be going to college back near my hometown in the Spring Semester which starts in January..which really inst that far away. But when you have this much alone time with yourself. it makes it very hard. I can't spend this much time with myself. I'm in a much better mood right now than i was when i updated my twitter earlier. This is probably going to change throughout the night though- so be expecting another blog post soon. If you took the time to read this, thank you- i really appreciate it. It's just me rambling about me being annoyed with myself--and ts become this viscous cycle. Do any of you guys have advice possibly? I'm not sure what you could advise on =/
Well I hope you all have a fantastic last few minutes of your night, or a Great Day!! (depending on what time it is where you are)
<3>
Monday, August 24, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
I'm Sure You've Seen This already..but just in case
I'm sorry to do this but if you have a facebook please join this group. I am trying to win a scholarship for $20,000 by having creating the biggest Facebook site for the College assistance type site---Zinch
I need at least 34,000 people by March 16th. This will be the difference between me going to college and joining the military
Any Support is greatly appreciated!
Please share this with your friends and be a part of something huge
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=55018814268
I need at least 34,000 people by March 16th. This will be the difference between me going to college and joining the military
Any Support is greatly appreciated!
Please share this with your friends and be a part of something huge
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=55018814268
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Nate Wilson- Memoir
I was the fifth child born into our family. When I was born, Nate was 12, Jon nine, Christopher would have been six (he had passed away before I was born due to phenomena), and Justin was three. The older I grew, the more I enjoyed getting to play games with them, and try to join in their football games, which for me was monkey in the middle. I wanted to do the same things they did, have the same friends, and grow up to be like them. Nate and Jon always seemed to be best friends, while Justin and I always seemed to be fighting over small little mishaps. He would see me playing with his “G.I. Joe” and would get very upset; all I wanted was for Barbie to marry someone other than my teddy bear. Jon and I got along fine growing up. He is more reserved and didn’t like to be bothered. Lucky for Jon, Justin was whom I would always go to, asking annoying questions and bothering him with wanting to play all the time.
Nate and I however were inseparable. Nate was the joking older brother who always knew how to lighten a mood. Whenever he would walk in the room you couldn’t help but smile or laugh. There would be nights that I would wake up with growing pains, and he insisted that eating ice cream would make them go away, which they did! The older we both got, the closer we grew. One time he took me to the doctor, and on our way back we stopped at the gas station. Nate gave me money to get a candy bar, and the man working commented on how nice “my father” was to let me get candy. We found this to be very funny, considering I was only 8 and he was 20 . That same trip he was singing Shania Twain at the top of his lungs just to get me to smile, and even let me shift the gear to his truck. I thought that meant he taught me how to drive, so I made sure to tell all my friends.
Our family was pretty close, we seemed to have everything put together, and working in our favor. Both parents had a job; we were going to church, and had everything we needed. While I was in the fourth grade, several changes had happened. Nate was working at Findlay High School as a Construction teacher, Jon was moving to Chicago for college, while Justin and I were still at home. However, those changes were the least of our concerns. Our grandma had passed away that winter, as well as our father losing his job, and our parents becoming separated. These all happened very suddenly, and were also completely unexpected. I didn’t think much about the divorce since it seemed many people were getting divorced in society; however Nate and Jon took the news hard. They didn’t want this divorce to separate the brothers and I from being friends, or together. They both promised each other not to leave us, that one would be living with us until we were on our way off to college.
After several months, our family had seemingly adjusted well to these new changes. April 27th was a Friday night that my mother, Justin and I used to stay at home and watch TV together. We were watching N.C.I.S., and I remember during a specific scene they showed, I had this weird sensation inside of me that something bad had happened. I would always get scared while watching that show, so I assumed that feeling was just about the show. About 30 minutes later we have a knock on our door; it was late so we were curious to know who it might be. My mom answered the door, and not too long after, a police officer, our neighbor, and mother walk into the kitchen. None of them make eye contact with us, but I could tell by their body language something wasn’t right, so I walked up to them. When I approached, I softly said, “did someone die?” and before they answered, I knew it was Nate.
At that moment, time seemed to have just stopped. It didn’t seem as though it really happened. Within an hour we had at least 20 people over to our house, neighbors, family, except two people, my father and Jon. I’m not sure how my dad found out, but I do know, that very evening he and our neighbor drove to Chicago to tell Jon the news, and bring him home. It wasn’t until later in the evening someone told me Nate died in a car accident.
That night was filled with much uncertainty, hopelessness, and confusion. Nate was my best friend, and trying to comprehend not seeing someone who had always been a part of my life was unfathomable. Four years later I found out more information about his accident. It was hurtful that I didn’t know the true reason Nate had died, regardless of it if was to protect me. A neighbor of ours, who was 17, was the one that accidentally mentioned something. She was telling me a conversation she had with my mom about M.A.D.D. Right then, I knew that I hadn’t been told the truth. I still, till this day, do not know the full story, but I do know Nate had been drinking beforehand at a bar with some colleagues from work. There might have been a verbal fight about something at the bar, which caused Nate to drive off, while he was intoxicated. His car did go off the road, collided with a tree, causing his car to flip over.
Although losing someone you love is something no one wants to endure, it is a part of life. Dealing with it at a younger age and a more personal level may have been a little hard at first, but it has taught me some lessons people will live a lifetime trying to learn. My mom was protecting me from knowing the reason Nate died because she didn’t want me remembering him for how he died, but for how he lived his life. He did make a mistake that night, but he lived a very fulfilling life and is still affecting lives today. Nate had a relationship with God that I didn’t really understand. He always had this passion that was driving him in everything he did. I was determined to know what that passion was, so I began going to the church he used to go to, and got very involved. When people hear more about my life they usually question how I can stand God after the things I have been through. The verse 1 Corinthians 1:3-5 talks about how even though I might be going through a rough time, I will be able to comfort others when they are dealing with similar situations, which I in return found comforting.
One of the main lessons Nate taught me was from the last time I saw him. We were arguing about something very petty and I, being a very stubborn child, and wanted to be right. As he was walking out the door he was waiting for a hug from me and said, “You should give me a hug because you never know if or when the next time you’re going to see me will be.” Did I go and hug him? No. I was too stubborn. Because of him saying that, it reminds me to not fight with people over the little things. We do not have much time in this life and why should we waste this treasured time being angry with others. No one knows when their time is going to cease, which makes me realize, I wouldn’t want to die and the last memory someone has with me being arguing about spilt milk. All the cliché quotes about “living life to the fullest”, are true! They are easy to say, however to make that your mentality of what you revolve your days around takes a little more effort. Live each day to its full potential.
Nate and I however were inseparable. Nate was the joking older brother who always knew how to lighten a mood. Whenever he would walk in the room you couldn’t help but smile or laugh. There would be nights that I would wake up with growing pains, and he insisted that eating ice cream would make them go away, which they did! The older we both got, the closer we grew. One time he took me to the doctor, and on our way back we stopped at the gas station. Nate gave me money to get a candy bar, and the man working commented on how nice “my father” was to let me get candy. We found this to be very funny, considering I was only 8 and he was 20 . That same trip he was singing Shania Twain at the top of his lungs just to get me to smile, and even let me shift the gear to his truck. I thought that meant he taught me how to drive, so I made sure to tell all my friends.
Our family was pretty close, we seemed to have everything put together, and working in our favor. Both parents had a job; we were going to church, and had everything we needed. While I was in the fourth grade, several changes had happened. Nate was working at Findlay High School as a Construction teacher, Jon was moving to Chicago for college, while Justin and I were still at home. However, those changes were the least of our concerns. Our grandma had passed away that winter, as well as our father losing his job, and our parents becoming separated. These all happened very suddenly, and were also completely unexpected. I didn’t think much about the divorce since it seemed many people were getting divorced in society; however Nate and Jon took the news hard. They didn’t want this divorce to separate the brothers and I from being friends, or together. They both promised each other not to leave us, that one would be living with us until we were on our way off to college.
After several months, our family had seemingly adjusted well to these new changes. April 27th was a Friday night that my mother, Justin and I used to stay at home and watch TV together. We were watching N.C.I.S., and I remember during a specific scene they showed, I had this weird sensation inside of me that something bad had happened. I would always get scared while watching that show, so I assumed that feeling was just about the show. About 30 minutes later we have a knock on our door; it was late so we were curious to know who it might be. My mom answered the door, and not too long after, a police officer, our neighbor, and mother walk into the kitchen. None of them make eye contact with us, but I could tell by their body language something wasn’t right, so I walked up to them. When I approached, I softly said, “did someone die?” and before they answered, I knew it was Nate.
At that moment, time seemed to have just stopped. It didn’t seem as though it really happened. Within an hour we had at least 20 people over to our house, neighbors, family, except two people, my father and Jon. I’m not sure how my dad found out, but I do know, that very evening he and our neighbor drove to Chicago to tell Jon the news, and bring him home. It wasn’t until later in the evening someone told me Nate died in a car accident.
That night was filled with much uncertainty, hopelessness, and confusion. Nate was my best friend, and trying to comprehend not seeing someone who had always been a part of my life was unfathomable. Four years later I found out more information about his accident. It was hurtful that I didn’t know the true reason Nate had died, regardless of it if was to protect me. A neighbor of ours, who was 17, was the one that accidentally mentioned something. She was telling me a conversation she had with my mom about M.A.D.D. Right then, I knew that I hadn’t been told the truth. I still, till this day, do not know the full story, but I do know Nate had been drinking beforehand at a bar with some colleagues from work. There might have been a verbal fight about something at the bar, which caused Nate to drive off, while he was intoxicated. His car did go off the road, collided with a tree, causing his car to flip over.
Although losing someone you love is something no one wants to endure, it is a part of life. Dealing with it at a younger age and a more personal level may have been a little hard at first, but it has taught me some lessons people will live a lifetime trying to learn. My mom was protecting me from knowing the reason Nate died because she didn’t want me remembering him for how he died, but for how he lived his life. He did make a mistake that night, but he lived a very fulfilling life and is still affecting lives today. Nate had a relationship with God that I didn’t really understand. He always had this passion that was driving him in everything he did. I was determined to know what that passion was, so I began going to the church he used to go to, and got very involved. When people hear more about my life they usually question how I can stand God after the things I have been through. The verse 1 Corinthians 1:3-5 talks about how even though I might be going through a rough time, I will be able to comfort others when they are dealing with similar situations, which I in return found comforting.
One of the main lessons Nate taught me was from the last time I saw him. We were arguing about something very petty and I, being a very stubborn child, and wanted to be right. As he was walking out the door he was waiting for a hug from me and said, “You should give me a hug because you never know if or when the next time you’re going to see me will be.” Did I go and hug him? No. I was too stubborn. Because of him saying that, it reminds me to not fight with people over the little things. We do not have much time in this life and why should we waste this treasured time being angry with others. No one knows when their time is going to cease, which makes me realize, I wouldn’t want to die and the last memory someone has with me being arguing about spilt milk. All the cliché quotes about “living life to the fullest”, are true! They are easy to say, however to make that your mentality of what you revolve your days around takes a little more effort. Live each day to its full potential.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Highschool...
This was from my Facebook note
I have read some very enlightening notes recently, and they all have gotten me to think a little deeper into where I am in life right now. I really wanted to also write one, but I knew that mine would sound like poop in comparison to theirs. But who's to judge, this is something that has been bothering me for awhile now and I'm just going to throw it out here, no poeticness, fancy words [my writing skills just aren't as fantastic as some of yours so that's my attempt to make an excuse for mine =) ]
Ohhh Good ole' High school. Many seniors at this point are thinking about what they are going to do after they graduate, whether it be finding a college, or even trying to find a career they are really interested in. But right now a lot of us are coming to the realization that we are not going to be here much longer. And although I may not have known you guys since elementary school, or way back when we were in diapers, I have been blessed to have met some great people at [insert school name here], some friends have stuck, some people I just talk to in school, or wave to in the hallway =) I've always been that girl who doesn't really have many friends in her own grade, and is friends with the upperclassmen and the older i got, I became that upper classmen and now I have loads of underclassmen friends which I love.
Yeah..this note isn't going where I planned lol
When I was a youngster, I would always think about how cool the high schoolers are, and how I can't wait to be one of them, and maybe even as cool as them. I would be all shy and bashful when a high school girl would wave at me because I wanted to be just like them. The closer I got to high school, I did grow more mature, but that first day of high school, I remember that I didn't want to be seen as a freshman. I was determined to be myself, but not one of those annoying freshman..I'm not sure how that worked out, but I think that the majority of people around me were doing the same thing.
Now finally being that senior I always waited to be, it seems the incoming classes have changed. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm a senior..idk but here it is. The incoming classes are still acting like they are in junior high. NOT ALL OF THEM, but a lot of them. The little quarrels about who likes who, cute, but when it comes to friendships, high school is different. You don't need to have a third party to tell someone about how you don't like them, or how you are mad that you heard from joe that Mary said Sam was texting you...confused? yes i have no clue what i just said
"High School is supposed to prepare you for college"
we have all heard that..but its not only high school, everyday prepares you for college and the future, you are always going to be in a situation where you might not like someone, and you are going to have to live with that. You might not be able to ignore that person even if you really despise them, but you don't need to be hard on them or keep secrets. I have really realized that it's best to talk to the person you are having a problem with. I mean, who better to talk to about a problem the 2 of you are having, than with each other!
I'm not going to apologize for writing this long note and not making sense (im listening to music so im getting distracted) but I just wanted to say this
Take advantage (or should i say don't take advantage..) of the time you have with the people around you. The people we are so used to seeing everyday, aren't always going to be there. It really is hard to wrap my mind around, but I know I am really going to appreciate the time I have to know all of you =D
<3
I have read some very enlightening notes recently, and they all have gotten me to think a little deeper into where I am in life right now. I really wanted to also write one, but I knew that mine would sound like poop in comparison to theirs. But who's to judge, this is something that has been bothering me for awhile now and I'm just going to throw it out here, no poeticness, fancy words [my writing skills just aren't as fantastic as some of yours so that's my attempt to make an excuse for mine =) ]
Ohhh Good ole' High school. Many seniors at this point are thinking about what they are going to do after they graduate, whether it be finding a college, or even trying to find a career they are really interested in. But right now a lot of us are coming to the realization that we are not going to be here much longer. And although I may not have known you guys since elementary school, or way back when we were in diapers, I have been blessed to have met some great people at [insert school name here], some friends have stuck, some people I just talk to in school, or wave to in the hallway =) I've always been that girl who doesn't really have many friends in her own grade, and is friends with the upperclassmen and the older i got, I became that upper classmen and now I have loads of underclassmen friends which I love.
Yeah..this note isn't going where I planned lol
When I was a youngster, I would always think about how cool the high schoolers are, and how I can't wait to be one of them, and maybe even as cool as them. I would be all shy and bashful when a high school girl would wave at me because I wanted to be just like them. The closer I got to high school, I did grow more mature, but that first day of high school, I remember that I didn't want to be seen as a freshman. I was determined to be myself, but not one of those annoying freshman..I'm not sure how that worked out, but I think that the majority of people around me were doing the same thing.
Now finally being that senior I always waited to be, it seems the incoming classes have changed. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm a senior..idk but here it is. The incoming classes are still acting like they are in junior high. NOT ALL OF THEM, but a lot of them. The little quarrels about who likes who, cute, but when it comes to friendships, high school is different. You don't need to have a third party to tell someone about how you don't like them, or how you are mad that you heard from joe that Mary said Sam was texting you...confused? yes i have no clue what i just said
"High School is supposed to prepare you for college"
we have all heard that..but its not only high school, everyday prepares you for college and the future, you are always going to be in a situation where you might not like someone, and you are going to have to live with that. You might not be able to ignore that person even if you really despise them, but you don't need to be hard on them or keep secrets. I have really realized that it's best to talk to the person you are having a problem with. I mean, who better to talk to about a problem the 2 of you are having, than with each other!
I'm not going to apologize for writing this long note and not making sense (im listening to music so im getting distracted) but I just wanted to say this
Take advantage (or should i say don't take advantage..) of the time you have with the people around you. The people we are so used to seeing everyday, aren't always going to be there. It really is hard to wrap my mind around, but I know I am really going to appreciate the time I have to know all of you =D
<3
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Day 4
This is working out
I'm realizing how much I truly did miss working out, how happy it makes me, and how it helps to relieve stress!
After I was working out though, I realized I was worn out, but still not so happy. I was trying to fight this situation I'm in on my own. But no one can do it one their own. So I remembered the commitment I have made to myself and God, and it really helped me out
Wooo
I will be able to make my Monday video tomorrow since I will workout tomorrow and that will make 5 days in a row
The SuperBowl means nothing to me this year. I used to get into football, and it was fun and the parties, but I've realized I have been depressed lately, and thats why I'm on my computer so much. I have a phobia of asking people to hang out for some reason. there's more to it than that- haha and I'm really assuming no one is reading this, so if you are, thanks for letting me vent to you
Have a fun night, whatever it is you do!!
I think I'm just going to chill in my room- i don't want to face my dad right now =/
I'm realizing how much I truly did miss working out, how happy it makes me, and how it helps to relieve stress!
After I was working out though, I realized I was worn out, but still not so happy. I was trying to fight this situation I'm in on my own. But no one can do it one their own. So I remembered the commitment I have made to myself and God, and it really helped me out
Wooo
I will be able to make my Monday video tomorrow since I will workout tomorrow and that will make 5 days in a row
The SuperBowl means nothing to me this year. I used to get into football, and it was fun and the parties, but I've realized I have been depressed lately, and thats why I'm on my computer so much. I have a phobia of asking people to hang out for some reason. there's more to it than that- haha and I'm really assuming no one is reading this, so if you are, thanks for letting me vent to you
Have a fun night, whatever it is you do!!
I think I'm just going to chill in my room- i don't want to face my dad right now =/
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Watermelon, yummm
I finally worked out!
it felt so great to finally get started again
Yeahhh..I could feel it right when I started
but I pushed myself to keep up with it because I know if I want to do well, I have to try
I'm going to have to tone it down because "Core Rhythms" (as seen on TV) is challenging
I remember when I used to think it was easy..
hopefully that day comes back soon
nooo these are not Christmas colors, its more, like a watermelon =p
p.s. I dropped french today, and that took off a tonnn of stress
p.p.s. I'm working on making my blogs here shorter and not just aimless rambling
--like i do when i talk--
Thanks for being my friend ;)
Oh Yeah *** I want to get my haircut but idk how, this is when it was shorter
not the shortest its ever been by any means, but any advice would be lovely =)
Yeahhh..I could feel it right when I started
but I pushed myself to keep up with it because I know if I want to do well, I have to try
I'm going to have to tone it down because "Core Rhythms" (as seen on TV) is challenging
I remember when I used to think it was easy..
hopefully that day comes back soon
nooo these are not Christmas colors, its more, like a watermelon =p
p.s. I dropped french today, and that took off a tonnn of stress
p.p.s. I'm working on making my blogs here shorter and not just aimless rambling
--like i do when i talk--
Thanks for being my friend ;)
Oh Yeah *** I want to get my haircut but idk how, this is when it was shorter
not the shortest its ever been by any means, but any advice would be lovely =)
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
No more Fluff
No more fluff!
All last week, I could not stop thinking about how I want my heart to be on fire for God again, and how much I want to fall in love with him all over again!
I'm sure some of you know what I mean.
Now it's just a matter of making it happen, and making a change in my life. I've been lazy. SO LAZY! Going through all these things, thinking I can do it on my own kind of deal. It's not that I drifted from God on purpose, I guess things were going so great in my life then, that I stopped thanking God for helping me out
___________________________________________________________________________
Verb: "It's what you do"
Even though right now I am completely wound up about starting all these things like my relationship with God and taking care of myself, I know it's still going to be WAY hard. My friend Clare and I have been talking a ton about this lately, and we just really want to be healthy. I've already been doing bad. I can't seem to Start! So. today I finally did take the first step, and I'm going to say right now that I WILL workout tomorrowI'm going to be holding myself accountable on here, since I'm online all the time.
1. No new video post until I exercise 5 days in a row
2. Posting a Blog at least every other day (not about to set myself up for too much failure)
3. Prove to people and MYSELF that I can make things
happen for my own life if I really want them to
If you read this, your awesome
prayers comments, messages on youtube, anything would be helping me in ways you couldn't begin to imagine! <3>
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